How to create your own reality



The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe – Albert Einstien

The phrase “you can create your own reality” has been buzzing around the self-development world for a while now. Without really understanding it’s significance it can seem like a vacuous, self-righteous statement when the truth is, it’s so much more. In fact, it hasn’t just been made up by an enthusiastic life coach, others have expressed the same thought for centuries: Buddha said, “What you dwell upon you become.” Hindu teachings from Shankaracharya says, “Whatever a person’s mind dwells on intensely and with firm resolve, that is exactly what he becomes.” Mahatma Gandhi says “Your beliefs become your thoughts and it says in the Talmud, “We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

Your thoughts control your reality

So what does all of this mean? In simple terms, it means that your system of beliefs, whether conscious or subconscious in their existence, actually control the reality you experience. This rather bold statement is also supported by science.

If you think you’re incapable of something, it’s very unlikely that you will ever prove yourself wrong. This in psychology, is called the “self-fulfilling prophecy”.  A widely accepted principle that your own beliefs, shape your behavior and therefore directly influence your reality.

On a subconscious level, our beliefs have a stronger influence on the reality we perceive. Dr. Leonard Mlodinow explains it in his book, “Subliminal—How Your Unconscious Mind Rules Your Behavior. “The point is that we are not like computers that crunch data in a relatively straightforward manner and calculate results.  Instead, our brains are made up of a collection of many modules that work in parallel, with complex interactions, most of which operate outside our consciousness.”  Mlodinow goes on to make a very interesting point about our memory in that we “smooth out memories”. This describes the process of us adding information to, or self-editing past memories when they seem incomprehensible to us so that those past memories can fit in with our current realities. In short, we are making stuff up!

What does this mean for us? Well, it’s an important reminder that our life experience is constantly being shaped, motivated and influenced by our existing beliefs. Our belief system is a collection of the memories/experiences we have absorbed from our past. It impacts our reaction to new situations as our unconscious will automatically search our belief system for easy and automatic responses and fill it in.  If our belief system is primarily negative, in relation to a certain new experience—the experience will automatically be filled in with negative responses.  If our belief system sways to the positive— then the circumstance will be created with a positive spin.

How to create your own reality

  • Have a concrete idea of what your core beliefs systems are
  • Try to be self-aware about how past experiences can shape future reactions. It won’t be easy to dip into your subconscious but writing a timeline of life events and gaining an understanding of how these could impact your future reactions is a great start
  • Work towards eliminating any negative beliefs such as insecurities and fears – this is not an easy process but you cannot hope to achieve the reality you desire if you carry all of this baggage.
  • Enlist the help of someone who believes in you. The most successful people have done this by hiring professional coaches. There are coaching and mentoring providers in every industry from legal coaching providers to communication and performance training coaches – for more information read here.

Becoming more self-aware is no easy task and in fact, it’s a lifelong lesson but every day we can make progress and become the best version of ourselves.

To read more about the science of creating your own reality, read here


6 Self-care tips for those who wish there were more hours in the day


Even if you are successful right now, without self-care you cannot hope to sustain your success without sacrificing your health. We rationalize, neglecting ourselves (a.k.a exclude self-care) from our routine saying “there’s not enough time” or, “this task is more important.” However, the cold truth is, the decisions you take now have a determinative impact on your future health. I’m not just talking about physical health but mental health too. Stress will be a big health consequence for many modern workers. Our bodies have not been prepared for our working lives today – intense stress, sleep deprivation, 24/7 connectivity, and tech exposure all have consequences. We must take it upon ourselves to reduce the negative side-effects, of success, with adequate self-care. If you could see into your future, you would, arguably, make the time now.

What is self-care?

It’s anything you need to be happy confident and whole. This means taking note of your needs and not putting external factors ahead of them. It can be as small as brushing your teeth, regularly exercising and as big as, leaving the job or marriage you hate because it’s making you desperately unhappy.

Self-care is an investment that pays dividends. The more you show yourself self-care, the brighter your days become; the more energy you have; and the happier you are. The only person keeping you from investing more in yourself is you.

How to practice self-care even if you are super busy

1. Change your mindset

Self-care must be a priority. It must be as important as meeting a deadline and making your family reunion. We can make a million excuses to not do something. For many modern workers, it’s the “I have no time excuse.” But, we have the same amount of hours in our day as Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Beyonce and Amal Clooney. They manage to not look like stress is dominating their lives. They practice self-care. So, if you want to get serious about self-care (or, truthfully, anything else), you’re going to have to do an honest audit of your time. Cut the fat (low-value habits) and build the muscle (prioritize important habits). It’s that simple.

2. Nutrition

Eat a healthy, balanced diet. Just the process of putting a nutritious meal into your body, instead of a convenient fast option, makes you feel better. You can prepare healthy meals at the weekend to make sure you don’t waste time during the week searching for healthy options. Or, if you spend a lot of time in the city, you will be able to find fast, healthy options. Make sure you drink plenty of water and enrich your body with natural ingredients throughout the day. As a rule of thumb, when choosing what to eat “the closer to the ground the better”, this means choosing fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, over any packaged items. Eating this way can truly transform both your physical and mental health.

3. Find your stress release

This should not be partying or blowing off steam with an entire bottle of wine.  This should be about dealing with stress, in a healthy way. It’s about taking the path of least destruction to deal with life’s hurdles. For me, exercise is my stress release. When I’m running, I get lost in the zone. For up to 15 minutes, I am focused on only one thought, my breathing. It feels magical. Something, I believe is similar to the benefits many feel from meditation. How you choose to deal with stress is ultimately a matter for you. But I can promise that when you find, your “thing”, it’s life changing and can fix even the worst of days.

4. Spend time with those you love

Don’t sacrifice your time with loved ones. This leads to many things but ultimately unhappiness and regret. Your loved ones can boost you in ways, you cannot. They can give you a perspective you don’t have and they can make you feel like nothing else matters (including all the stress) when you are with them. So, for the sake of your well-being and for the sake of the people you care about, make a regular routine and take the time to be with your friends and family.

Whatever spending time with the ones you care about most looks like for you, be sure to find a way to consistently fit in into your schedule.

5. Schedule personal time

Make sure you schedule downtime. This can be reading a book, watching a tv-show or simply relaxing just ensure it’s anything but working or doing chores. It should be time alone relaxing, catching up on thoughts and feeling at ease.

We all need time to ourselves, it’s crucial to our mental health. It doesn’t have to be a lot of time, 30 minutes a day can suffice, just make sure its a regular priority for the sake of your self-care.

6. Get enough Zzzzz

Without sleep, you will not be able to function or properly control your emotions.

Sleep deprivation makes you less productive and more likely to burn out. The general recommendation is 7-8 hours per night, however, in reality, some people have found they can function on a little less. So, whatever your bare minimum sleep may be, just ensure you get it, every night.

Listen to your body and give it what it needs. That is the essence of self-care – putting yourself first.


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